Finding Joy
The word “joy” has come to my attention several times recently. I am reading a book called “The Book of Joy” about Desmond Tutu and the Dalai Lama and coincidentally several people have asked if I’ve seen the Netflix program about the “Joy of Tidying Up” with Marie Kondo. Over the weekend I watched two episodes, and clearly Marie Kondo is to “tidying” what Martha Stewart is to entertaining; all business with the highest standards. Kondo’s method of tidying includes first holding an item and asking “does this bring me joy?” If the answer is shy of “yes!” the item is tossed or donated. The process is not for sissies. I tried it. I now have no jeans or kitchen utensils so I am feeling joyful about a future of ordering take-out from one of three bathrobes that are joyful.
Last week a client said to me, “my therapist said I need to go have fun.” I stopped in my tracks and looked to her eyes with that connection of knowing “Yes. And me too.” I appreciate any shedding of the façade of being perfectly balanced and happy. It still takes courage talk about that. We do need to have fun... for most of us that’s harder in winter and this one has been a doozie.
Finding joy is vital. Honestly, some of it IS found cleaning out the house. Too much “stuff” becomes clutter. Looking around me I see I need to reclaim a pair of pants so I can take out the recycling. When we’re not bogged down by “stuff” we find what we want or need quickly with less time and energy wasted in the hunt. There’s also less to manage, sort, clean, fold, store etc. Again; more time and energy to do the things we want. One couple with young kids profiled in a Kondo episode expressed how clutter created an undercurrent of stress and frustration that eroded quality family time. Too much stuff is a drag on several levels and resentment mounts.
Taking time for what really brings you happiness means you will be far less tempted to grab for false impersonators of joy. Recently two sisters came to me for help with fitness and weight management. They both carry extra weight and eating out regularly is their primary source of entertainment. Food is a docoy joy. Shifting that is essential to the lifestyle change required for anything better than temporary weight loss. Make time for joy in your life. Have fun. Fill your spirit. We are not meant to crawl across the desert. Be honest about what brings you joy; and may the list be lengthy.
If you’re unsure whether something is genuine or decoy joy, check in with how you feel after the experience. Do you feel fulfilled, energized and loving or do you feel guilty, fatigued or frustrated? Real joy makes you want to give joy. Joy is not found in a product advertised at the Superbowl, even if it has no Corn Syrup. I’ll bet you a dollar that joy is found in hobbies you love, whether it’s a sport, music, or art. Joy is also spending time with the people we love. Joy often is outside.
When there’s genuine joy in your life there’s energy in your heart for the things you might not love doing but you do them because it’s the right thing to do; like getting your exercise and making the slightly harder choices of healthy eating. There can be joy in a favorite indulgence, but only if it’s a savored treat, not a default behavior haphazardly accessed from being too tired or stressed. Take time to distinguish genuine sources of joy from superficial impersonators and find ways to infuse weekly doses of joyful fun into your life. Taking care of yourself with joy makes it easier to take care of yourself with the harder things, and you can’t skip that. See you out there.